Arctic Ice, Self-Portrait, Oil on Canvas, 36x48 inches

I looked in the hallway mirror after a walk with my dog. The image I saw encapsulated how thrilled I felt about being protected from the winter elements–I quickly took a photo. I am from the southernmost point in Canada–Windsor, one of the warmest climates–and I fear and loathe the cold here in Ottawa; I have never adapted to it.

Before I completed the painting, I happened to encounter my friend, Anthony J. Debassige; he is Anishinaabe, from M’Chigeeng, Manitoulin Island. I showed him my photo and explained that based on this photo, I was currently painting a self-portrait. Anthony explained to me that many clothing items, including the parka, originate from Indigenous tribes. I had never made these connections before; I became somewhat horrified. I realized there were situations and issues that I was taking for granted as a Canadian of immigrant parents. The parka with a fur-lined hood is so prevalent in contemporary Canadian society; it is a generic staple of Canadian outdoor winter clothing that almost everyone I grew up with wore.

Magnified in my mind was the monstrosity of how, as a second generation Canadian, there were most likely many other Indigenous artifacts that were not so recognizably Indigenous that dated back to the fur trade and colonialism hanging about my life, perhaps even in my wardrobe. After our conversation, I decided to leave my pupils in the portrait blank. They are like miniscule holes that look back into Canada’s history–a window to the Arctic and the historical exploration of the North Pole.  

I feel cold–stranded in a winter landscape that originally never belonged to me. I bought the coat at the Hudson Bay Company.